It's four in the morning and i am trying to fulfill someone's request. A funny one i suppose but I'll do my best.
Someone asked me to talk about being ourselves and fitting in. Two things i think i am so far off from. Haha. All my life, i never felt like fit in anywhere. I felt a little alien from people. I was into cooking, baking, computer games, romantic novels (not recently though), daydreaming and all very peculiar interests that didn't really made me popular. I was weird, in a way. I didn't like the usual things all boys/guys like. Football, comic books, more football, mischievous endeavours, even more football.
God, football is one of the things i understand and comprehend in a way but i just feel absolutely zero interest in. All those players, teams, coaches, tactics, matches, leagues and all them sweaty stuff just have no place in my mind. I used to feel like it was a bunch of useless crap but i suppose everyone has their own useless crap they like. Football for them. Games and shit for yours truly.
I didn't have many friends but i guess it was okay. I became a bit of a loner. I grew up with this mentality that i was different. I wasn't anything anyone expect from your average Joe.
But deep down, no matter how depressed i got (and i got loads of it), no matter how awkward i felt with people (and it got plenty awkward), i never for a second felt like changing myself for anyone. Well, I'd be lying if i say I'd never tried to fit in. In a stupid effort, i paid my friends if they win a football match at school, sort of like a football club manager. A waste of money now that i see it, but it felt like a good investment. Hahaha. I was basically trying to buy friendship. Dumb kid i was. *sighs at past stupidity*
With time, i learned to accept who i am bad or good, normal or weird, in every way anyone can accept themselves.
I don't know, i guess i am too lazy to change for anyone. But no matter where i go, what i do, i was always me. Not always the same me forever, but the me that adapts and changes with time. The me that learns and thinks for himself. I couldn't fathom any other way of living if i couldn't be me.
I never felt out of my own skin. I guess i learned that you are going to live with yourself, so you better off living with the you that you are comfortable with. The real you. Imagine wearing a pair of shoes that you purposely bought too tight. Makes no sense.
Instead i learned unknowingly the art of masking. I read a saying that we have three masks; one we show in public, one we show with family and friends, and one you show nobody, which is your purest, truest self. And that is how i live. I show people what they want or need. Never more or less. You stay true with yourself without self conflict. Simple.
I guess life is already complicated. There is no need to add to the madness. We are like puzzles. We can make ourselves into whatever shape we choose. Form yourself into a lie and you attach to the wrong people. Form yourself into the truth and you attach with all the right people, who love and care for the real you and inherently want to be real with you. And lies are exhausting and i,for one hand, am too lazy to fake myself for people. One of my friends said that i am a bit of a straightforward person when it comes to things i don't like. Hahaha. If he knew that i was holding back, he would have gone crazy seeing me being truly honest. I could cut people with my tongue. I choose not to.
And it's easy to lose yourself. As things change, you'll have to change too. But never let anything mould you in a way you choose not too. You are the sculptor, not anyone or anything. That is why self confidence is key. You'll tend to pass the tools to form yourself to anything you deem fit when you don't trust yourself. You are a masterpiece. Your own masterpiece. Don't let anyone/anything fuck up your masterpiece. Period.
So, in all, just be yourself goddamit. Easy peasy. To hell with people, they come and go. Remember the real you. True people love you just the way you are. No need for all them 'personality makeup'. You'll look like a clown.
