You know,I just hate low fat milk. That just taste like....idk. I just don't like them. To me milk has to either be fresh or full cream,not low fat.I just doesn't taste the same. And i think i tried making pancakes with them,taste like shit,and i've made some pretty shitty stuff in my life,like rock hard chocolate chip cookies,or a lousy upside down pineapple cake.
And i've found out that i love to look at Tupperware catalogs.They are just so fun.You'll see all those colorful containers just make you have a mental orgasm. That good.When i grow up,i'm gonna fill my house with Tupperware containers to the brim.
My exams suck.That's all i have to say about that.
My glasses broke.Just nice.Well,at least i'll get new ones.I've been wanting to change them but was waiting for the right time.Well,thanks God.But i have to wait for them,shit. Now i'm blind as a bat.
bat...
bats....
Anyway,i feel a little bit better. Slightly. All due to,of course,a movie.
(500) Days of Summer.
I love it. If you've been OD-ed by all those Nicholas Sparks books,Titanic and all that shit,this is the hangover cure for you. I'm not gonna spoil your fun by telling what is it about. Just watch it.
Watch it from the beginning.If not,you're gonna get lost. Everything is not in order,so,try to understand it.
It thought me that you can love someone with your whole heart,willing to do anything,putting all your hopes on them,yet still not loved the same way back.
It thought me that.
That's all for now.I'm gonna lock away my heart,lock it in a safe,and throw away the keys.
P.S: Listen to this for me,please. Put a Record On-Unkle Bob. It'll sum it up.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
....
"Dave looked at her with a disturbed look in his eyes,but still he smiled,sipping his coffee as slow and as quietly as possible.Sarah acted as if she didn't notice this,but still,it filled her mind,puzzling her.She pushed her thoughts elsewhere and grabbed his hand and he let her intertwine their fingers together.They just sat there,for almost an hour,doing nothing but refilling their coffee and staring at each other,contently.
Then,after a while,he asked,"If i were to die,would you still talk to me?".Now,she didn't hide her bewilderment,giggling as well,"But you're dead,what else is there to talk about?". He pondered on her answer,thinking for a moment,to which he replied,"Well,i maybe dead,but you're not,so you can talk about your life".
The diner was deserted,only with two customers,sited at the end in a booth.It was still too early for anyone to be up for work,but here those two customers,happily enjoying their coffee."Well,what if my life wasn't that fun after your gone,would you still want to hear it?"."Your life is never boring,i can assure you.And yes,every word.". She felt kinda disturbed with this conversation,but still,she continued.
"Dave,why are we even having this conversation?",she asked. He looked as if he sort of anticipated this question. "Well,you know when you get married,they say 'till death do you part',what if i didn't want to part after i'm dead?". He tighten his grip on her hand,slightly. "Maybe we'll skip that part if we ever get there,okay?",she said,trying to comfort her better half.
He smiled,faintly,but still, a smile,which is enough to take her breath away.She saw again that disturbed look in his eyes,in which he tries to hide with a sip from the pastel green mug that looked like it belonged in the sixties.Vintage,she thought."Promise me,or better yet,let's make a promise to talk to each other even when we're dead? And if we can't answer,that we'll just listen?". Now Sarah was the one with the disturbed look. She stared at him for a while,sipping her coffee.
"I promise",she finally says."I know you think this is weird of me,but...its just that,i want someone to talk to,you know? Being dead isn't much fun.",he said,with the diner starting to have other customers that looked like they worked at a construction site,with yellow neon vests and bright orange helmets.
"I know",Sarah replies,still felling very peculiar about the conversation they had. They continued with their staring and drinking contest,with the occasional smile and facial expressions.They both finally got up,finishing their drinks,and Dave paid for the coffee.They walked out of the diner,both of them felt warm and content. They both tighten their grip on their jackets,trying to keep the cold winter morning air at bay.Dave put his arm around Sarah,trying to keep her warm,while she leaned her head towards his chest,hugging him in the process.They both continued walking,having no direction or purpose,not knowing where this relationship is going,but both of them agreeing,that was the best cup of coffee they ever had."
Then,after a while,he asked,"If i were to die,would you still talk to me?".Now,she didn't hide her bewilderment,giggling as well,"But you're dead,what else is there to talk about?". He pondered on her answer,thinking for a moment,to which he replied,"Well,i maybe dead,but you're not,so you can talk about your life".
The diner was deserted,only with two customers,sited at the end in a booth.It was still too early for anyone to be up for work,but here those two customers,happily enjoying their coffee."Well,what if my life wasn't that fun after your gone,would you still want to hear it?"."Your life is never boring,i can assure you.And yes,every word.". She felt kinda disturbed with this conversation,but still,she continued.
"Dave,why are we even having this conversation?",she asked. He looked as if he sort of anticipated this question. "Well,you know when you get married,they say 'till death do you part',what if i didn't want to part after i'm dead?". He tighten his grip on her hand,slightly. "Maybe we'll skip that part if we ever get there,okay?",she said,trying to comfort her better half.
He smiled,faintly,but still, a smile,which is enough to take her breath away.She saw again that disturbed look in his eyes,in which he tries to hide with a sip from the pastel green mug that looked like it belonged in the sixties.Vintage,she thought."Promise me,or better yet,let's make a promise to talk to each other even when we're dead? And if we can't answer,that we'll just listen?". Now Sarah was the one with the disturbed look. She stared at him for a while,sipping her coffee.
"I promise",she finally says."I know you think this is weird of me,but...its just that,i want someone to talk to,you know? Being dead isn't much fun.",he said,with the diner starting to have other customers that looked like they worked at a construction site,with yellow neon vests and bright orange helmets.
"I know",Sarah replies,still felling very peculiar about the conversation they had. They continued with their staring and drinking contest,with the occasional smile and facial expressions.They both finally got up,finishing their drinks,and Dave paid for the coffee.They walked out of the diner,both of them felt warm and content. They both tighten their grip on their jackets,trying to keep the cold winter morning air at bay.Dave put his arm around Sarah,trying to keep her warm,while she leaned her head towards his chest,hugging him in the process.They both continued walking,having no direction or purpose,not knowing where this relationship is going,but both of them agreeing,that was the best cup of coffee they ever had."
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Before i close my eyes...
My sleeping pattern have been ever the more erratic as the holidays progresses. Now i sleep at 5 and wake at 2,go figure. Every night,i would begin my sleeping ritual. First,i would turn on the air conditioner and fan simultaneously so that the room cools faster.Then,i would go downstairs and drink pretty much three gallons of water. After that,i'll head upstairs,making sure the doors are locked and lights are off. I will then roll in my bed,with the lights off and usually the fan too,or i'll just lower it to the lowest possible setting if it's kinda hot.I like it dark,it makes it easier to sleep,and to picture you dreams coming to life. Only then i'll get up and go to the bathroom,to relieve myself. I hate going anywhere cause it disturbs this ritual and i can never get to sleep.
After all of that,i'll lie in bed,and start to sing. I know how that sounds,but its the truth.I'll just choose whatever song i have in my phone and just...well,sing. I do prefer calm,slow song rather than screamo's (which i have none) to get into the sleeping mood.Usually 5 songs or more,but no one's counting anyway. Just to test my vocals for my debut in Mentor or whatever you guys watch these days (I pretty much hate those shows).Once my mom caught me singing while i was in bed because she was working with the computer outside and i just felt so,so stupid.
Then,i will wrestle the blanket to find the perfect cover-to-not-cover ratio in which the dilemma of which part of the body to cover or not begins.After all that only then i slip into unconsciousness and to where i belong,dead.
But,over the past few months, I've added a new routine.Before i slip into that unconsciousness,I'll think of the best thing that ever happen to me or the one thing i want the most. I'll just picture it in my head and let it fill. I think of it materializing and i wish it would come true.I think about you.
I used to do that,even after i told you,but now i can't even do anything without thinking of you.Now i basically skip half of the routine and just force myself to sleep,even that is impossible,i just sleep due to exhaustion. I can't even sing,and that's usually a bad omen for me.
I'll just go over and over our non-existent call that you didn't pick up.
"Well...hi. Thanks for picking up. Well,i won't keep you up,i'll just get straight to the point. I don't know why are you acting like this.I know its because of what i told you,but...i just don't know. Maybe it's because you think i know too much or need time to heal your wounded heart or your heart already belongs to someone else,or you just fucking hate me.I don't know. Why can't you tell me? Why won't you talk to me? I value our friendship,and i can't just let it go away,without me trying to save it.
I told you the reason that i told you that i liked you is because i wanted to be truthful to you.All of that was true.But i also wanted to tell you because i vowed,at the very least,to let know how i felt before you go away,before you had someone else,so that i had the assurance that i did what i could,that i would not regret to have let you go,that i'd done all i could.
If you think that what I've done is so vile,heinous and sinful,then go on with your silence.But if you still value our friendship as much as i do,if you still have an ounce of care for me,then i hope you can still be my friend. I won't lie to you that i may always have feelings for you,but i believe love can only exist when the feeling is mutual.
So that's all that i wanted to say.You can either hang up or say something."
After all of that,i'll lie in bed,and start to sing. I know how that sounds,but its the truth.I'll just choose whatever song i have in my phone and just...well,sing. I do prefer calm,slow song rather than screamo's (which i have none) to get into the sleeping mood.Usually 5 songs or more,but no one's counting anyway. Just to test my vocals for my debut in Mentor or whatever you guys watch these days (I pretty much hate those shows).Once my mom caught me singing while i was in bed because she was working with the computer outside and i just felt so,so stupid.
Then,i will wrestle the blanket to find the perfect cover-to-not-cover ratio in which the dilemma of which part of the body to cover or not begins.After all that only then i slip into unconsciousness and to where i belong,dead.
But,over the past few months, I've added a new routine.Before i slip into that unconsciousness,I'll think of the best thing that ever happen to me or the one thing i want the most. I'll just picture it in my head and let it fill. I think of it materializing and i wish it would come true.I think about you.
I used to do that,even after i told you,but now i can't even do anything without thinking of you.Now i basically skip half of the routine and just force myself to sleep,even that is impossible,i just sleep due to exhaustion. I can't even sing,and that's usually a bad omen for me.
I'll just go over and over our non-existent call that you didn't pick up.
"Well...hi. Thanks for picking up. Well,i won't keep you up,i'll just get straight to the point. I don't know why are you acting like this.I know its because of what i told you,but...i just don't know. Maybe it's because you think i know too much or need time to heal your wounded heart or your heart already belongs to someone else,or you just fucking hate me.I don't know. Why can't you tell me? Why won't you talk to me? I value our friendship,and i can't just let it go away,without me trying to save it.
I told you the reason that i told you that i liked you is because i wanted to be truthful to you.All of that was true.But i also wanted to tell you because i vowed,at the very least,to let know how i felt before you go away,before you had someone else,so that i had the assurance that i did what i could,that i would not regret to have let you go,that i'd done all i could.
If you think that what I've done is so vile,heinous and sinful,then go on with your silence.But if you still value our friendship as much as i do,if you still have an ounce of care for me,then i hope you can still be my friend. I won't lie to you that i may always have feelings for you,but i believe love can only exist when the feeling is mutual.
So that's all that i wanted to say.You can either hang up or say something."
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Sky gazer.
I just love to watch the sky. I wonder why humans search for beauty in the most farthest reaches of the globe,maybe they do have a reason but why go so far when you can just look up? The sky changes nearly every second,making different shapes of clouds with innumerable amount of patterns. And the color changes further in time. I just love to see the darkness of night and seeing it change to a earthy purple to dark blue,then at the corner of the horizon,the luminescent sun starts to burn the heavens with and intense yellow and suddenly making the day start. It the most favorite part of the day for me. It gives me hope that today can be just like the sky,bright and ready to shine. And then at midday,the sky seems like it was from someones computer wallpaper. The blue just that perfect tinge and the white clouds form that familiar shape that you always seem to see when you look upwards.
Then,at dusk,the sky looks as if God is working on a tapestry that is bathed with orange and deep yellow,and then it changes to a light blue and purple and as the last light of the day creeps away to another side of the world it looks as if all those color are mashed together and form a large abstract painting before it is replaced by a darkness that is sprinkled lightly with glowing sparkles.And you see all the dwellers of the night,coming out to play,decorating the heavens with a blissful glow accompanied by their leader,the moon.
I hope that someday i have enough money to just go around the world and just see if its the same,if the sky is different there.I would love to walk down a beach at dawn and lie in the sand at sunset to see what happens when night arrives.And lie in a field covered in buttercups to see the clouds move as if their running away from something.And walk in a forest somewhere and see if the dusk would yield the same color as i thought it would. And sit on a rock,facing the high-altitude sunrise,letting it soak into my skin.And sit on the edge of a cliff near the ocean,watching the waves crush below as the day just about to arrive.Sitting on a bench in Central Park and just let the day past.
I would love to see it all,so that if i ever go to heaven,i can ask God to replicate such just for me.I know its sounds like a little too much,but i dream of a lot of crazy things since...well since i was awaken,and this is the most probable,at least its remotely possible.So,i guess i should start saving up.
*listening to Somewhere Over The Rainbow-Isreal Kamamawiwo'ole*
Then,at dusk,the sky looks as if God is working on a tapestry that is bathed with orange and deep yellow,and then it changes to a light blue and purple and as the last light of the day creeps away to another side of the world it looks as if all those color are mashed together and form a large abstract painting before it is replaced by a darkness that is sprinkled lightly with glowing sparkles.And you see all the dwellers of the night,coming out to play,decorating the heavens with a blissful glow accompanied by their leader,the moon.
I hope that someday i have enough money to just go around the world and just see if its the same,if the sky is different there.I would love to walk down a beach at dawn and lie in the sand at sunset to see what happens when night arrives.And lie in a field covered in buttercups to see the clouds move as if their running away from something.And walk in a forest somewhere and see if the dusk would yield the same color as i thought it would. And sit on a rock,facing the high-altitude sunrise,letting it soak into my skin.And sit on the edge of a cliff near the ocean,watching the waves crush below as the day just about to arrive.Sitting on a bench in Central Park and just let the day past.
I would love to see it all,so that if i ever go to heaven,i can ask God to replicate such just for me.I know its sounds like a little too much,but i dream of a lot of crazy things since...well since i was awaken,and this is the most probable,at least its remotely possible.So,i guess i should start saving up.
*listening to Somewhere Over The Rainbow-Isreal Kamamawiwo'ole*
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
....
I'm so tired cause i barely got any sleep,only 2-3 hours.I have this unusual habit of not liking to tell people my problems,it just make me look weak,and i don't like that. Ironically i listen to people's,not that i think they're weak,I just believe i was born to aid,to heal,to help.
At first,when i was like 6,i wanted to be a doctor,because i had this operation,and i just thought it was so cool,like saving lives and shit. But i sort of flushed that down the toilet,cause i hate blood. Next i wanted to be a sort of scientist/inventor cause i'll be dreaming of all sorts of things. Hovercrafts and planes and all sorts of things. This evolved into being only a scientist,those who deal with plants and stuff. Horticulturist or botanist. Environment and stuff,cause i wanted to help people,by ensuring a future that's packed with trees. And i'll be thinking of new ways to make plants grow faster and increase crop and all those stuff. I basically told all my friends and i was labeled 'wants to become scientist' ever since.
But last year,i was like,'biology is so hard,and i don't know if i can do it'. And i was thinking,what the fuck am i going to do? When you were a child,it was so easy,just pick. But now,its like your life. Its like your future. And i didn't know what i'm going to do. But the last year,i was approached by people who told me their problems and i listened and i gave my advice. And it gave me hope,i felt like i had a purpose in life,helping people feels rewarding...well,i don't know if I do help in any way,but i hope i did,at the very least,make a difference.
The only thing that i'm afraid of is that people will say that i'm following in the footsteps of my sister,cause she wants to be the same thing.And i'm just scared that she would think that i'm copying her or something. I never felt like being a shrink before this,only now that i felt,at the very lest,interested in being such.
I believe that helping people and giving hope is a rewarding job. I've always felt like i never had a place in the world,like i was an extra piece that God just accidentally made for humanity. One day,i saw one of things i wrote on someones tumblr and i just felt like i made a difference in life,i felt belonged,and its the most fulfilling feeling you can ever feel.And i want to give it to people,the feeling like you have a purpose in life,that you are not a walking,talking piece of meat,like you are someone worth living.
At first,when i was like 6,i wanted to be a doctor,because i had this operation,and i just thought it was so cool,like saving lives and shit. But i sort of flushed that down the toilet,cause i hate blood. Next i wanted to be a sort of scientist/inventor cause i'll be dreaming of all sorts of things. Hovercrafts and planes and all sorts of things. This evolved into being only a scientist,those who deal with plants and stuff. Horticulturist or botanist. Environment and stuff,cause i wanted to help people,by ensuring a future that's packed with trees. And i'll be thinking of new ways to make plants grow faster and increase crop and all those stuff. I basically told all my friends and i was labeled 'wants to become scientist' ever since.
But last year,i was like,'biology is so hard,and i don't know if i can do it'. And i was thinking,what the fuck am i going to do? When you were a child,it was so easy,just pick. But now,its like your life. Its like your future. And i didn't know what i'm going to do. But the last year,i was approached by people who told me their problems and i listened and i gave my advice. And it gave me hope,i felt like i had a purpose in life,helping people feels rewarding...well,i don't know if I do help in any way,but i hope i did,at the very least,make a difference.
The only thing that i'm afraid of is that people will say that i'm following in the footsteps of my sister,cause she wants to be the same thing.And i'm just scared that she would think that i'm copying her or something. I never felt like being a shrink before this,only now that i felt,at the very lest,interested in being such.
I believe that helping people and giving hope is a rewarding job. I've always felt like i never had a place in the world,like i was an extra piece that God just accidentally made for humanity. One day,i saw one of things i wrote on someones tumblr and i just felt like i made a difference in life,i felt belonged,and its the most fulfilling feeling you can ever feel.And i want to give it to people,the feeling like you have a purpose in life,that you are not a walking,talking piece of meat,like you are someone worth living.
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