Immortality

Hi. I just had a bath and i was mulling something over, like everyone does when they take a warm shower. I watched this documentary on human belief on National Geographic with Morgan Freeman called "The Story of God" which i find kinda humourous due to him playing God in a few movies.

They showed all the belief of the afterlife based on different religions and also about a lady basically digitalising her partner so that she can be immortal cause she said she can't live without her partner (they were lesbians, btw, hahaha, idk why i had to say that, just for clarity) I find it weird that my mom thinks people trying to find immortality kinda blasphemous, but understandable i suppose.

In addition, i watched this unusual movie called 'Slow West', a kinda indie movie about a guy trying to find his killer girlfriend in the old west, with help from a fugitive/guide Michael Fassbender. Ahhh, such a dreamy hotstuff Mcmuffin. You guys should watch 'Shame' if you want to know how sexy that man is. Hahaha, i am super sleepy cause it's 5 in the morning. I think it's getting to me.

(Side note here, i saw in that movie an excellent example of what i call visual metaphor, kinda ironic really. When the lover guy, Jay, finally meets his girl, she shoots him (accidentally, she was fighting away bounty hunters). Then a Red Indian guy who helped her kiss her on the cheek to calm her down while this Jay guy is bleeding on the floor. Then a bullet shatters a container above Jay, and salt come pouring down on his bullet wound.

Hence the term rubbing salt on one's wound.

Hahaha. I loved that movie at that precise moment. It has a sad ending though.)

Anyway, back on track. I was thinking in the shower and i thought about how i wanna be remembered by people for the good that i have done. It's how i hope to achieve immortality. My actions in this world would create ripples that benefit humanity, which in turn make me immortal through remembrance.

But i said to myself, by wanting so, i wouldn't be good at all. I would be just chasing fame and glory. Not true benevolence.

At that moment i realize why, in Islam at least, we should always do good because of God, and not because of anybody or anything else. We must place Him first before anyone else.

If you do good for people, then what happens if those people turn on you? You would stop, right? If it's for money, fame, glory? If you don't get it, the good you do would stop. But if you do it for God, then you kinda have to do it for eternity.

I guess that's the point. You need something to do good for so that doing all those stuff has meaning and purpose but that something has to be outside of the realm of manipulation so that the good you do doesn't impact you or society negatively. Kinda smart i suppose.

So, i guess intentional immortality through remembrance is out of the picture. I'll have to actually do something really good without all them hubris to get to that.

But i guess that's the point really. You do good for everyone and let the most just and benevolent, God to reward you accordingly. The path to benevolence, at least on a theocentric point of view.

*sigh*

I also feel like my blog is a part of that attempt to be immortal. I want something of me, my thoughts, my ideas, my opinions, my emotions, to just be somewhere in this cold world. So, that maybe one day it would enlighten someone, or give someone hope, or just make them laugh. It would mean that even death cannot stop me from making a difference in this world.

Suddenly my blog is like a philosophy class. Hahaha

Meh, i like being all philosophical and shit. I like big questions and blabbering on the possible answers. That's how i roll.

I should go to sleep now. Bye.

Piece

He grabbed every piece. Every fine and minute shard. Sharp, jagged and hard. Each one cutting into his hand. Red crimson fluid painted his hand, drenching his arms till it drips down his elbows, trailing his path.

But still, he pressed on. Piece after piece. Like a possessed man, blind to the cuts, blind to the pain. He continued walking, lumbering each step like his shoulders carried the weight of the world.

He'd pause for a moment, looking at his blood drenched hands. And in his eyes, a sudden realisation dawn. Like an epiphany. It shined through his eyes. For a moment, he shudders. Shaking, as if he was holding back something. His eyes turns red, and he brings his hands to cover his face, colouring his face in hues of red.

In those tinted red fluid, his tears are covered. The pain suddenly became unbearable. And the cuts burn with agonising heat. And he falls to the ground, and still he becomes. Like a weeping angel, only angelic is far from what he would think he was. A statue forgotten in the dark cold world, where people would stare and marvel at its grotesque beauty, but will never fully understand.

But he gets up, pushing his scared hand to the ground as leverage. Standing frigidly, he continues on his path like a man bound by oath. To wander his lives trying to piece back each broken parts. To make a whole. So, walk he does. Piece by piece. All a fool's promise. But are we all not fools too?

Emok

Hi. I have this cat. Her name is Emok. It sorta means fat piece of shite, roughly translated, but she's not that fat. I didn't give her that name, though. I call her Eowyn, after the slayer of the Witch King Angmar, leader of the Nazguls. (Btw, i am a huge fan of LotR, my favourite character is Lady Galadriel, she badass mother-f)

I named her such because i had another cat before, my beloved Nazgul. He was my loyal servant, just like the Nazguls to Sauron. (Sorry for the plethora of LotR references) Also he was black as night, just like them. He was deadly scared of Eowyn. One day, he just went missing and never came home. And all of a sudden, Eowyn became friendly like Nazgul, which she was never before. That is why i suspected Eowyn had slayed my beloved Nazgul to obtain unrestricted and uncontested food.

She is sly, such a willy thing.

She is sneaky, letting people's guard down with her cute demeanour, but when you are not looking, BAM! She'll get on the table and grab a piece of chicken like lightning.

She'll let you pet and hold her, but if she gets annoyed or you touched her a bit too long or at a wrong place, BAM! She'll scratch you like cheetah protecting her kill from pesky scavengers.

She does that, a lot. But...i love her. Why? Because she is my spirit animal. She embodies me in more ways than i could say. Cunning, devious, tactical, intelligent, and not to mention furry. Hahaha.

She shows me how i am with people. I get close and warm up to get what i need, i stay loyal if you serve my purpose, but once you cross me, intentionally or not, I'll scratch ya.

She doesn't trust people so much, just like me. You kinda do that when you've been disappointed or been hurt by people. You put your guards up. You stay vigilant. You never tell anyone anything that could be used against you. Knowledge is power, people always say. Knowledge on you grants other people power over you.

The power to lie. The power to manipulate. The power to hurt.

And love is but a lowering of defences.

That is why i love my cat, who is both a testament of who i am, but also why i have become so. I guess we are victims of circumstance. Or maybe survivers of it.