....

I'm so tired cause i barely got any sleep,only 2-3 hours.I have this unusual habit of not liking to tell people my problems,it just make me look weak,and i don't like that. Ironically i listen to people's,not that i think they're weak,I just believe i was born to aid,to heal,to help.

At first,when i was like 6,i wanted to be a doctor,because i had this operation,and i just thought it was so cool,like saving lives and shit. But i sort of flushed that down the toilet,cause i hate blood. Next i wanted to be a sort of scientist/inventor cause i'll be dreaming of all sorts of things. Hovercrafts and planes and all sorts of things. This evolved into being only a scientist,those who deal with plants and stuff. Horticulturist or botanist. Environment and stuff,cause i wanted to help people,by ensuring a future that's packed with trees. And i'll be thinking of new ways to make plants grow faster and increase crop and all those stuff. I basically told all my friends and i was labeled 'wants to become scientist' ever since.

But last year,i was like,'biology is so hard,and i don't know if i can do it'. And i was thinking,what the fuck am i going to do? When you were a child,it was so easy,just pick. But now,its like your life. Its like your future. And i didn't know what i'm going to do. But the last year,i was approached by people who told me their problems and i listened and i gave my advice. And it gave me hope,i felt like i had a purpose in life,helping people feels rewarding...well,i don't know if I do help in any way,but i hope i did,at the very least,make a difference.

The only thing that i'm afraid of is that people will say that i'm following in the footsteps of my sister,cause she wants to be the same thing.And i'm just scared that she would think that i'm copying her or something. I never felt like being a shrink before this,only now that i felt,at the very lest,interested in being such.

I believe that helping people and giving hope is a rewarding job. I've always felt like i never had a place in the world,like i was an extra piece that God just accidentally made for humanity. One day,i saw one of things i wrote on someones tumblr and i just felt like i made a difference in life,i felt belonged,and its the most fulfilling feeling you can ever feel.And i want to give it to people,the feeling like you have a purpose in life,that you are not a walking,talking piece of meat,like you are someone worth living.