I haven't been posting anything in a while, ever since I went to Le Matriculation College, but I just got out and....still nothing. Well, I've just been busy, i guess. I guess I should talk a bit on it. It was fun. I met new people. New friends. Learned a lot, and not just about science, maths and shit. About being independent. About who I was, who I am and who I want to be. If you asked me, I'd say that I haven't changed a bit. Maybe that's true deep down. But let's just lie and say I've changed. If we want something, we've got to begin somewhere, and lying is just as good as any place to start.
I'll talk more on that later. Way later.
Well, I have literally forced myself to sit down and write something here. I've been meaning to, but my life is.....complicated at the moment. Precarious. I'm confused, I guess. We all have our brightest and darkest moments.
I could write anything, but I'll warm up my writing finger for now with something simple and less...complicated than my tangled up emotions.
The Notebook.
Super romantic. Very old school kind of love. Just an epic tale of love wrote by Nicholas Sparks. Naturally, I hate it. Haha. If you haven't read it, shoot both your legs and drag your god damn body to the nearest bookstore and steal one copy. Just go. Now. And read.
Noah. He is just..... him. End of story. You just have to read the book. Optionally, see the movie. Unusually, it's near accurate to the book, just some minor details off here and there.
And.... which leads me to a real, living, breathing Noah.
My grandfather.
God, I don't know how he does it.
It all started when my grandmother began to lose her mind. Not literally going crazy. She was slowly dying away. Herself, withering away like a dried husk. Crumbling. Fading. Alzheimer's does that to a person. Sadly, now, even I can't remember her. I try to cling on a memory, anything that relates to her but I just can't. I only seem to know her as someone who lost herself. But at least, deep down, I know she was a person filled with vitality, at least before that horrid disease robbed her of everything she was.
That disease just petrifies me. I hope to God I don't get it. Please. To tell you the truth, some days, I just hate myself. But I never, ever want to forget who I am. I love the good and the bad of me, and to forget who I am is just..... too much. Nowadays, I hate going back to my grandparent's house. Every time I see that woman, the person that cared for my mother before me, lying on that bed, it just breaks my heart.
But, there is just that one thing that I am always at awe at when I do go back there. My grandfather.God, forgive me, but sometimes I don't understand a word he says. I'll be like "Mmmmm, yeah.". Talk about a bad grandchild. I try to understand but he has this accent that really fogs up anything that I can pick up from his speech.
He was a soldier back then. I've always wanted to know what he did back then, but I never got the guts to do so. Don't get me wrong, he is a nice guy, smiles a lot (though he doesn't have much teeth now). I have never seen him get angry at something or someone, not even at some of his pesky grandchildren. But I sense in him a dormant volcano. Poke enough sticks and you might get the next Vesuvius. I guess I inherited that from him. Thanks Atuk. And I didn't want to stir anything he might not want to be stirred.
But the most important thing that I love the most about him is how he take cares of my grandma. He has help, from his eldest son that lives nearby. But emotionally, God, he is still a soldier. He talks to her, as if she could understand. Sometimes she does, I think. I guess when you lived with someone so long, raising children and going through changes together, language is not a requirement to understand each other. My mom thinks it's romantic that he still talks to her. I do too.
He is just like Noah in The Notebook. Loving and caring someone that might not even know who you are. And that is just uber romantic and sweet. I hope and pray, with the best intention, that she goes first before him at least. Because there is no one in this world that can take care of her as best as he does.
That kind of love. I just hope I can have one like that one day. And, God willing, I can give to someone worth while as well.
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