Prestigious Deception

I am now going to write something. Hahaha. About time.

Always about life and always about experience.

I just came back from this thing, a course if you will. A course on how to be a facilitator. I always wanted to be one. I never knew why. I guess i like to be involved and ...well, facilitate. I think it's from my long lost ambition. I wanted to be come a psychologist once, wanted to help people, but i pushed it aside as i thought, 'I want to do something that, if i didn't do, i would regret it for my whole life'. So I chose to be a biologist instead.

But i never gave up on the dream, in a way.

So, back to the course i went. It was very short, 3 hours at least. But i got a lot in those hours.

Most are just usual stuff. Soft skills. Characteristics of a facilitator. How to give proper commands. There were some people that said i look serious when i give commands. Meh. I was focusing, so i may have looked a tad bit serious. We were practicing on our rhythmic clapping, and i always get distracted and mess it up. I have really bad coordination. Haha. We had tons of fun. Worth the 5 dollars i paid.

But that's not the point of what i am writing, well not the main point.

At the end of the course, the guy who conducted the course gave comments on the job we did as novice facilitators. There were 17. God, that guy is more meticulous than i am. The last one shook me to this very moment.

He said that when we deal with our 'clients', we can lower ourselves to the standards of our younger 'clients' or heighten it when we deal with older ones, to enable us to better communicate with others. But we should always make a balloon around ourselves, maintaining our self-prestige. Then he said that some of our facilitators were just spm students who just finished their exam, hiding in plain sight. He asked them to stand and lo and behold, it was the guy who handled me and my group.

I was flabbergast. I just can't believe it. He seemed so...normal. If it was me, i would have probably shit my pants trying to command my elders. But he kept his composure, though he was a tad bit reserved. Yet he blended in like a tree in a forest. I even asked him 'abang nama apa?', he just looked at me and gave me this weird look. I didn't think about it much, but now i know why he acted in the way he did.

He was my junior, yet i treated him with the respect and trust i gave to my elders. I was deceived, yet i found it eye opening. The guy in charge did say, when you become a facilitator, people place you on a plateau of perfection, and they trust you with their very lives, and it is very easy to be hated or laughed at when you make a mistake as they expect you to be just that, perfect.

And i did just that.

I guess i was a bit shocked as i never felt that the people in charge of us could be someone so inexperienced, young and naive. Filled with weakness, doubt, and secrets. I placed everyone who ordered me around on the plateau, and that boy, my facilitator, shattered my mindset on prestigious perfection of those who lead around me. He made me rethink that my mom, my dad, my siblings, my lecturers were all just like me. Just like my facilitator. As clueless and blur as any person that goes on with their seemingly unimportant lives.

And i've been trying to turn myself into something that i perceive everyone else was, in all this while no one else had ever been. Perfect. Now, i want to be a facilitator even more. To help people in whatever way i can and to show that every stoic person they see everyday is just the same as they are, so cut them, and yourselves, some slack