Darkest...

You wanna know something? Something really amusing, coincidental and highly disturbing happened to me yesterday and darn it, i can't even tell you what the hell it was. Ha, not even clues, mind you, cause it will be glaringly obvious to any of my family members, but i think most of them didn't think much about it. But nope, not gonna say a word. But it was, and always be very hysterical when you are a sheep in wolf's clothing because you get to see how people react and think about your sheepy-ness. Hahaha, that's threading on thin ice, but alas I live on the wild side.

If you ask me who i am, I'll probably tell you i don't know or some weird metaphorical bullshit to just fuck with your mind which i just love to do to at least one person daily. But when i say to you i am mad, as in insane chop-a-person's-head kind of mad, i kid you not. Insanity. It is the driving force that pushes me forward in a life that tends to be unbearable most of the time.

My sister once heard me talking to myself (a habit i try to keep under wraps) and told me it was not healthy. Hahaha. I just scoffed her off and told her, "It's a means to an end, dear sister" Though what end, i did not know. See, absolute lunatic.

Well, i guess when your world is chaos, you make do with what you have and proceed with life. I guess I am writing this most likely because I saw Family Weekend (which by the way you should watch) and the chick Emily does just that. Lunacy in the face of adversity. That chick is the queen freak, and so am I, biatch.

And to tell you the truth, i fucking love being insane. I made me one hell of a motherfucker. And pardon the cussing, insane me has no appropriate filter for such.  It made me adaptable, creative, and most of all, a surviver. I know my life may not be worth much, but only by being insane can i ignore all the mental clutter and personal conflicts to see through a day alive.

I kinda promised myself i wouldn't write a melancholic post like before or a perky one like the one i removed before. Because i feel like shit and like gold at time. Mostly shit though. And i want to keep a fragile balance between being mildly happy and being crushed by crippling depression. I think I'm doing okay, i guess. Alright, sue me. Haha.

But i feel like its a phase of some sort. Like all of this is the dusk, and the night is upon me. But i guess it is like people say, it is always darkest before the dawn.

Next time, i'll talk about my top secret project, Project Sever. Wow, sounds like a conspiracy theory. Well, it suits the insane guy role pretty fittingly. Peace out, bitches.