I don't know.

It's nine in the morning. I haven't slept yet. I'm tired.

I'm listening to Katy Perry-Lost.

I'm a person that always seem to find something wrong with myself. The truth is, everything is wrong with me.

I've been stuck in my own little loop of depression. And I'm angry at myself. All the time. I push everyone that have the remote interest in me away. I don't trust them. I only trust them with what I show everyone around me. I really want to believe that I can really trust people. I do with my whole heart.

But people can never handle the truth.

The truth that I'm not happy with the way I look.
The truth that sometimes I just don't care enough about the people that care for me.
The truth that sometime I just want to attempt suicide just to make people notice me.
The truth that I ask people how are they doing so that I can at least have a chance to say what I feel inside.
The truth that I look at facebook every time just to look whether there is anyone I can talk to, but I wait till forever, to see whether people want to talk to me.
The truth that I have imaginary friends just to cope with how lonely and miserable I feel inside.
The truth that I want to tear myself to pieces just because I....

I just can't. Some things are just too painful. Too dangerous. I fear the repercussion. I almost trusted one person with this truth, but I feel like I should die with it. It's the only way people can go on with their lives without shattering their very perception of me. I want to scream it out loud but I can't.

To say it would make it true. And I just can't have that.