Perception

God, it's about three hours left till the world is altered.

Well, the results of the exams are coming. (Hopefully. God, I just don't understand how the people at the matriculation division do their work. 10 in the morning on a Wednesday is not even close to 12 in the afternoon on a Thursday) And now I am starting to think about all the things that I've done in my life.

Not a good idea.

I had this nostalgic moment a few days ago. I was helping my mom in the kitchen in the morning and I heard something very familiar. It was the sound of a bird. I don't know what kind, but it was quite jarring to hear it. It was like a key, opening my mind to a floodgate of old memories and feelings. It reminded me of the boy I once was. I felt like breaking down in tears yet I couldn't. My mom needed my help. So I shook the feeling off and continued with my chores.

I wanted to cry because at that moment, I was reminded of the young, naive boy who used to have so much happiness in his life. So full of hopes and dreams. So innocent. Yet I also reminded of how he was warped and forged into the man I am now. So much pain and suffering. Anger and rage. Sadness and doubt. All leading to the man standing at that exact moment. It's like when they say your life flashes before your eyes when you are at death's door. It was like that, except I wasn't actually dying. It made me ask the question I've been asking myself under a different light.

Who am I?

Am I a good person? Am I the kind of person people would love or hate? Do I make my parents proud? Am I such a bad person that I am ashamed of my own self?

Well, I guess the answer is not an easy one. But I don't even think it's answerable. We never remain the same person at any moment in time. We shift ourselves constantly. For better or worse. Things change but I believe some part of us remains stoic against all the change around it. We are who we are and we should love and be proud of ourselves.

And as the result is coming, I can't help but think. What will I be next?