Define me

As always, late at night. I'll try and keep things short.

Religion is a very touchy subject that i tend to avoid talking about in here. I don't know why. Maybe because i wasn't much of a religious person back then, so i kinda don't want to rock any boats, mine or anyone's. But to tell you the truth, now that i look back, maybe i was a tad bit religious, at least in thought, but not so much in practice.

I am a Muslim, and i am proud of it. Basic bombing technique was my favourite subject back in Islamic school. Haha. God, talk about giving us a bad reputation. Someone went kaboom and just because he was Muslim, every one of us just happens to have our private stash of C4.

The reason i am blogging about this because i saw this video about a guy converting to Islam that my sister shared on facebook and i was cringing throughout it. Why, i wondered. Most likely it is because i am very sociophobic or something and watching people trying to give live responses makes me nervous all of a sudden. But i thought, could there be another reason? Did i dislike my religion or something?

No, i actually love it more now than ever. I even have a beard, albeit a small one, to prove it. I know, a beard does not make a religion. Maybe this is why i rarely talk in here about religion. So hard to make the topic interesting with my brand of humor and sarcasm without being insulting. Anyway,then why was it so hard for me to finish that video?

My other prevailing theory is that i picture myself in their shoes. Here you are, just choosing to change every aspect of your life by adopting a new religion. I imagine how hard that might have been, to take a leap of faith (literally) and restructuring everything you are to this new thing. I can't even choose a different flavour of ice cream without standing for 10 minutes in front of the ice-cream display thing, evaluating  from aftertaste to calorie content to how likely my sister is going to want to eat it (hey, it's my ice cream!).

And another complementary theory is that i am scared that people would see my religion in a bad light, that we are just a bunch of people just trying to recruit as many people as possible. That is just more fuel to burn an already raging fire against us. I want people to see the beauty and elegance of Islam. That it is more than a religion, it is a way of life, a way of making the imperfect human into a human that is better than it can ever be (but still, and always will be, imperfect). Basically making the best out of what we all got. I want people to get hooked on that part of my religion.

I was lucky to be born in it, be molded by it (though i may not appreciate it as well as i should, i'll admit that). I was thought to love not hate, to forgive and not hold vengeance, to think and not follow blindly, to always be better than before, be kind, be gentle, be truthful and all that stuff. It has basically single-handedly made me who i am, and i can't give a single decent blog post about it?

Well God, here you go. I am what i am. And i love You like, a lot. Thanks for sticking up for me when all those around turned a blind eye. You have my permission to smite them if You want to. Nah, just kidding.

I'll end this post with a question i thought about just now. God makes both the good and the bad. We are both good and bad. What bad is self-inflicted and what bad is preordained? Should one seek forgiveness just because one was made bad?  I know, deep shit. That's how i roll. Time to sleep.