A Force For Good

Hi. I know blog posting have been a little thin for a while, yeah, but i haven't been feeling myself in a very long while. Well, I've been feeling the usual mind numbing depression but i don't really consider that as my myself.

I've been a little down with a lot of things. Feeling overwhelmed with work. Not feeling like have any value towards society. Having feelings of not being appreciated by friends. Questioning my s...woah. Slow down there buddy. Back it up. Yeah. Basically truckloads of feelings. All aboard the feels train. You get a feel! You get a feel! Everybody gets a feel!

And all them feels inhibit writing capabilities. So yeah. I've been trying to write an event of my life for a long while and i kind of stopped because all them feels. Ugh. And it has been ages since the accident.

And all of a sudden. I've been watching videos like super bonkers crazy. And i mean it, people. Loads. But i have been in love with one guy. *sighs at enchanting magnificence that is....* Mr. Mark Edward Fischbach (i hope i spelt it right) a.k.a Markiplier, Markimoo, and the ever popular Darkiplier . He is just da bomb. He play games for a living! How super mother effing cool is that! But he does loads more than that. Charity work, pole dancing (sexy buns there, Mark), and just tons more. Not to mention he is just epically funny in every way possible. Well, to me at least. I watched him play Five Nights at Freddie's, Vanish, Outlast and just tons of indie games and goddamn, i love that man.

So, as i was doing my usual video binge, i stumbled upon a video of him. He wanted to thank all his subscribers by telling his life story on how he got to where he was with so many subscribers. And it broke my heart. He went through a lot to get where he was. Hell and back. And i just lay in the darkness and teared up. God, i am such a pussy.

And then i saw a video of him reacting to a video (complicated, i know) that his fans made and i cried with him. Not really tears of sadness. But of joy. I was soooo happy that from all the darkness that he faced, it got him where he is now, with like 10 million subscribers and he got on the YouTube Rewind add and all them other great things. I was happy for everything he achieved. And for all the lives he changed with his jovial nature, his screams (he does tons of horror playthroughs), and his laughter.

He is a nice guy. And i want that. I want a life that touches other people's lives. That changes them for the better. Even in the smallest way. I want to look back and see that in the darkness that i have so valiantly face, the small shards of happiness was there all along. And when you reach a point in your life and look back, you see a tapestry of blinding brilliance that is your life. I want that.

I want to be a force for good. I just do. And i ain't going to give up. I am jumping into the abyss. I am treading the muddy bogs. I will venture the stormy seas. And i will come back stronger, wiser, and better. And i will love people, with all my heart, even if it breaks me in two. I will do whatever it takes to be that force for good, to the very end.

And them depressive, dark and unyielding thoughts, y'all just gonna come for the ride now, ya motherfuckers!